


Nightmares

by Sasam



Series: Forget to Remember [1]
Category: DCU, Teen Titans - All Media Types
Genre: Amnesiac Tara, Angst, Anxiety, Dealing with losing a friend, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:48:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25146481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sasam/pseuds/Sasam
Summary: Raven has spent years trying to come to terms with losing Tara. Sometimes she feels like she's moved on. And sometimes it hits her all over again.
Series: Forget to Remember [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2023040
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the Raeterra discords conversation about how angsty it would be for Tara to show back up to the tower post Judas Contract with amnesia because she discovered her powers(again) and wanted help learning how to use them. This might end up being a series.

Raven rolled out of bed pulling her large purple comforter with her to wrap around her shoulders in an attempt to hold back the mornings cold. Forgetting even to brush her teeth she hurried to put the electric kettle on, her hands still trembling.

The day before had been fantastic, the Titan’s had succeeded in a large scale sting operation taking down a massive meta human trafficking ring. Of course this meant that once all the kids were safe again that Beast Boy demanded a party to celebrate and for once Raven had to admit it was a very nice tasteful party. Nothing too fancy or loud, mostly just the Titan’s and a few other heroes who had stopped by to help mingling in the living room eating snacks and playing the occasional party game. It had been nice. So when Raven had gone to bed she had felt happy and content with her life, something that wasn’t always common.

And then came the nightmares.

When Tara had first betrayed the Titan’s, Raven had began having severe anxiety dreams. Waking all times of the night over and over to different variations of Tara betraying them again to them making up with Tara and her rejoining the team. The dreams of making up were always the worst because she’d wake up and for a moment everything would be right again, until she realized she was in her bed and ran to check if it had been true or a dream. Every time she failed to hold back the tears as she felt herself relive losing her friend over and over. Even her fathers attacks felt hollow and empty compared to the way these nightmares racked her mind filling her with anxiety and dread every time she had to sleep.

This eventually spilled over into professional work as well with Raven finding herself having anxiety attacks during missions, her stomach twisting in knots threatening to rip apart and let her powers destroy everything around her. She retired herself for a while until she had more time to cope.

In the end it took time, she slowly was able to return to the line of duty without her mind spiraling in obsession over losing her friends or how she used to do this with Tara. The nightmares faded though she did develop a form of morning anxiety were just the act of waking up often would send her into a panic attack. It was Starfire who accidentally found a way to help her here, buying her a body pillow from the local comic convention of all things. Starfire had seen the broody character plastered across it and thought it reminded her of Raven she she’d bought it as a gift. Raven thanked Azarath that it wasn’t one of those lewd ones. Funny enough though the large tube pillow ended up being exactly what Raven needed, giving her arms something to hold and her something new in her life that her mind could use as an anchor to remind herself where she was and ground herself when she often woke feeling delirious and lost.

So when those nightmares returned over almost two years later Raven didn’t know what to do. She fled her room and sought comfort in her normal comforts of tea and novels. Sitting in the middle of the large living room sofa she sat trying to read but unable to focus on the words as outside the sun slowly rose bathing the room in a nauseous orange light.

The other Titan’s had all gotten up by now drifting through the living room and kitchen for their own needs. Some off to the training room other back off to their own rooms. All could tell that something was up with Raven but all trusting her to come to them if needed. Otherwise they would give her space. Giving up on getting any reading done she left her long cold tea to join Robin in the kitchen as he prepared himself a large breakfast. The scent of bacon grease wafting through the room didn’t help Raven’s stomach from seeking to burn it’s way up her throat. Robin was just finishing up and had clearly cooked way too much for just himself when Raven wandered in.

“Hey Rae, just in time! Want some brekky?” He asked with that same never ending enthusiasm he always seemed to drown in. Raven could feel the worry that mingled around him however and new how often it was just an act.

“I’m okay. I don’t think I could keep it down.” She tries giving him a small smile in thanks and regrets it. The small act feeling like it’s taken all of her remaining energy.

“Bad night?”

“I had a Tara dream.” Raven confessed sighing.

Robin quirked one eyebrow and looked back from the frying pan he had just removed the bacon from. “It’s been a while since you’ve had one of those. You okay?”

“Yea…. It’s just thrown me for a loop I guess. I thought I’d moved on.”

The two sat in silence for a bit, the only sounds those of Robin turning off the stove top burners and moving the dirtied cookware to the sink.

“Would you like some tea?” He finally asked as he got to the still heated kettle to make himself some coffee.

“Sure.” Raven replied, though she’d probably barely touch this cup like the last.

Robin had just poured the water into their two cups to steep when their communicators gave a small beep, not an alarm thankfully but an indicator that someone was at the Tower’s front door.

“I’d better go see who it is.” Robin sighed before radioing over the comms that he’d get the door.

“I’ll come with you. It might help get my mind off things and it’ll give time for the drinks to steep.” Raven shrugged and Robin returned a sad smile for her efforts.

“Alright, lets go see who could that be at this god awful hour of the morning.” He joked lightly as he lead the way.

The trip down the elevator was uneventful and the two only barely talked about their plans for the day. A blessed day off after the stressful week they’d had, Titan’s East would cover their standard patrols and small crime and they’d only be called if a major emergency happened like a villain attack. The two teams had worked a mutual agreement to rotate weeks back and forth however due to the scale of their operation the last week had them working double time despite it being East’s turn initially. Today was intended to be a day of relaxation.

Opening the front door proved it would be anything but. Standing there in front of them in what appeared to be a school uniform from one of the nearby districts and a large almost overflowing backpack stood Tara herself. Her hair a bit longer and she looked less sickly bone thin but it was undoubtedly her.

“Hi, I know this sounds weird but I recently discovered some powers and was wondering if you could help teach me?” She asked quickly and nervously, like she’d rehearsed it over and over in her mind but only just now saying it out loud she realized how strange of a question it was.

Raven couldn’t believe her eyes. She felt her sickness filling her and she quickly had to dip back inside leaving the girl to Robin. Her emotions bubbled over, she was angry, she was upset, she was bitter and happy and sad and probably disassociating a little bit. Tara seemed to not remember them, and Raven could tell that wasn’t a lie. She had gotten used to knowing what it felt like when Tara lied. In a way it was almost worse, she missed the feeling.

Distantly she could hear Robin talking to the girl, she could tell that he was incredibly awkward, both of them were. It wafted off them like when Starfire tried out perfume. It was suffocating. Her head spun and it was hard to focus on anything. The world didn’t feel real and she questioned briefly if she was still dreaming.

Deciding she wanted nothing more to do with this she used her powers to clumsily rip a portal open back to her room where she collapsed back on her bed burying herself back under her covers and wrapping herself around her pillow so tightly she threatened to rip it apart. She lay there for the rest of the day wishing herself to wake up. But she was already awake and she never did. The next morning she discovered that ‘Tara’ was going to be staying to learn how to use her powers again. Raven felt sick. She felt paranoid. She felt happy. And the next night no dreams came.


End file.
